I don’t know if you realized what really went down on Christmas Eve in Asheville. Santa was all packed up and ready to go, when a bunch of hippie hipster animal rights activists showed up and demanded that he release his reindeer. You see, in Asheville we call that animal cruelty and stuff like this will not happen on our watch, Christmas or not.
The Elves stood up for a moment, ready to rage a war to get these gifts to the many children in Asheville; but Santa quickly came up with a back-up plan, hijacked a Chopper from Mission Hospital and was on his way. We bumped into him later that evening and discussed the situation over some craft brews, and he said it actually went faster than he planned; not only because of his new ride, but also because of all of the naughty folks in the Asheville area who received nothing for Christmas. HoHoHoHoHo!