Just recently during the 2016 Olympics in Brazil, Ryan Lochte and three of his friends were robbed, or so we believed according to the story he told us. But when the dust settled, and the videos were shown, a whole different story was told. Ends up, Ryan flat out lied to the authorities, made Team USA seem dishonest, and made Brazil out to be worse than it actually was. I guess he fed into the warning about how dangerous it was over there, needed some attention, and made up a “Poor Ryan” victim story.

After everything was said and done, what does Ryan do? He escapes to Asheville for a few days of relaxation at the Omni Grove Park Inn with his babe. He then tweets a photo, someone calls him out as being at the GPI in Asheville, and @AshevilleLife on Twitter warns him to be careful. And we all know how this story could unfold. He was relaxing in his room when he decided to go right down the hall to the ice machine. Next thing you know he is surrounded by 4 rich white dudes who drag him down to Elaine’s in the basement, take his money, and force him to dance on top of the piano half naked. After hours of being tormented by these men, they let him go, and he runs back to his room to be comforted by his honey. She calls APD, and the next thing you know a few brothers are going to jail.

Not this time Ryan Lochte, this is Asheville and we have big eyes on you! Hahaha